


I Need a Hero (Literally)

by WeAreDustAnyway



Category: Shrek (Movies), 哪吒之魔童降世 | Né Zhā Zhī Mó Tóng Jiàng Shì (2019)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Chinese Character, Chinese Mythology & Folklore, Disney References, Drama & Romance, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fairy Tale Parody, Inspired by Mulan (1998), Inspired by Shrek (Movies), Mulan (1998) References, Parody, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Shrek References, Shrek is Love Shrek is Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27752425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeAreDustAnyway/pseuds/WeAreDustAnyway
Summary: Seen as the demon bastard of his village, Nezha is sent on a quest to redeem his character. It was supposed to be simple. Rescue the maiden, marry her off to the viceroy, collect community service points, and done. He really didn't think one mission alone was all that it took to unravel his past, present, and future like an onion. When a cursed princess swamps him under a horde of secrets, he is faced with two choices; accept fate...or fight it.*A story loosely (or largely) based on good ol' Shrek with some other Disney influences sprinkled here and there for giggles.
Relationships: Nezha | Third Lotus Prince/Other(s), Nezha | Third Lotus Prince/You, Nézhā | Third Lotus Prince/Original Character
Comments: 16
Kudos: 12





	1. Fairytale

_Once upon a time, in a palace far, far away, lived a maiden. Said to be the fairest of her kingdom, she was doomed to spend twenty years in solitude, locked away from all life._

_A curse was placed upon her, only to be broken by true love's first kiss._

_If she was not saved by her twentieth birthday, then her soul would be claimed by the Dragon Lord of the East Sea._

_Her true face was never seen by anyone, as the tower was guarded by a terrible dragon._

_Many have tried to free her from this dreadful prison, from the warriors of the state to the princes of Agrabah. None prevailed._

_Thus the maiden waited in her chambers, in the highest room of the tallest pagoda, still waiting for her true love...And true love's first kiss-_

"What a load of bull!" _  
_

Nezha busted out laughing. It was a bitter sound that bounced off the walls, traveling at least half a corridor down the hall.

An ear-grating tear echoed from the rooms of Li Manor as a frustrated shout followed just seconds after.

The double doors flew open with a terrifying bang, revealing the youngest young master storming around his room in a fit of disbelief.

"People still read this shit?!" A harsh grumble escaped Nezha, scraping at the butler's eardrums. "Bring me better reading material next time or else I'll send you flying to the nine levels of hell and back!"

His pointed finger at one of the butlers was enough to send the latter teetering over the edge of an epileptic seizure.

The poor butler could only sputter as he tried every method in the book to lessen his suffering "Y-yes! Young master! I apologize for my transgression! Next time-"

"There's no next time!" Nezha fumed. "One more stupid story from you and I'll take my leave to the village where I can _actually_ have fun!"

A lopsided grin broke across Nezha's face while he uttered the last words, as if just thinking about seeing the horrified faces of the villagers could serve as ample entertainment. The dimwitted guards by the manor would be no match for him if he really wanted to leave.

It would seem that it was inevitable for a run in with the law that day. Paying no attention to the stuttering servant next to him, Nezha frowned, debating the pros and cons over leaving right then and there.

"Young master," the butler started, "how would you like to-"

Nezha interrupted with a swift wave of a hand. "Scram already!"

To add to his point, the young man snapped his gaze to the quivering butler, scowling for good measure. It worked, as expected.

The older man scrambled backwards, squeaking for mercy. But he didn't need to go far, for the subject of his terror had long left the spot where he had originally stood. Nezha was on the rooftops in a blink of an eye.

"W-wait!" The butler tried to climb over the decorative stones, only to find himself hanging by the sides of the ledge like a helpless kitten. "Where are you going, young master?!"

At the sight of such, Nezha smirked. He made no attempt to help the butler up to his level. 

"You gotta try harder than that."

"But you can't go out the manor!" the butler wailed. "Master Li has specific orders that you-"

"Stay in for the rest of your life," Nezha cut in for the upteenth time. "I heard it the first time."

Cracking his knuckles, he let out an obnoxious yawn before looking down at the latter with utmost boredom. "But anyways, I'll see ya later!"

The mischievous smile never left his face as he hopped down from his perch, disappearing from the butler's vision just as fast as he did before.

It was futile to attempt to control Nezha, especially now that he had grown right into his adolescent form. Had it been a year earlier he would've still been a child no older than eight. Even then, the demon child was a living nightmare, but at least he could be consoled with a few magical trinkets.

The Nezha now was a bottle of raging hormones a few buttons away from implosion. His butler didn't want to entertain the idea of some unsuspecting villager accidentally triggering his fury, thus adding more to the Li Family's monthly bill.

There was still more renovation needed for the living room. Nezha had created a hole right in the middle of Li Manor square during one of his 'experiments'. And that alone sucked hundreds of pounds of gold into construction fees.

Putting two and two together, the butler slapped a hand over his hand, inches away from a mental breakdown. He had to come up with an excuse as to how he let Nezha slip away.

He had to save his own ass at least.

* * *

Not a lot of effort went into devising a plan to escape the manor. Hell, the word 'escape' never registered in Nezha's head over the two years since he began his daily avoidance from the manor servants.

In a second's time, he could turn himself into a maid. So a maid he _did_ turn himself to.

With the excuse of buying the daily grocery, Nezha had no trouble in slipping past the manor guards. The duo of metallic chumps had no doubts, lifting the spell between the doors just enough for the disguised maid out the building.

If he could, Nezha would've been on the floor convulsing with laughter by now. There was nothing more hilarious than repeatedly fooling the same people around him with the same tricks every time, and _still_ getting away with it.

Not bothering with another extra thought, Nezha made a beeline towards the main entrance of Chentang Pass.

The fun was just getting started.

_Crunch._

His feet squandered a pitiful branch below him with a brittle snap.Nezha didn't bother with his usual surreptitious style of tormenting the villagers. Weeks of the same old pop and scream had taken to the boring side for him.

He wanted something fresh.

Like he predicted, heads snapped in his direction the moment his bare foot stepped into the street market. The stares from people were like an automatic feature the town had inserted for him.

All sounds of life came to a screeching halt in his presence. Even the leaves seemed like they had minds of their own and stopped rustling as soon as Nezha popped up.

Dead silence washed across the mass, readying its ugly fingers around their necks, urging them to scream.

The way his tendons popped as his slender fingers clenched to fists sounded akin to a bone-crusher readying himself for a new victim. It was of no help that the young man's inhuman mark glowed with his excitement.

Before Nezha, a man towards the front of the market opened his mouth. His distorted face combined with the growing tint of purple on his cheeks was a good indicator of the things that were about to spout from his lips.

_It's the demon! Run for your lives! Get away!_

Nezha waved lazily at them, their old scripts running through his head like a broken record. It was impossible to get them to think of something more enticing to say about his grand entrance.

For a moment, Nezha actually feared that the illiterates before him could only speak those three phrases. Crossing his arms, he allowed the grin on his lips to morph into a wolfish smile.

"You all know the drill right?" Nezha beat the man to the talking punch. "I don't need to say more than I have to."

The unified gasp was a good indicator that they got the message. Nezha scoffed.

"One."

All at once, sound rushed back to the village as screams shot through the air like a needle piercing through flesh. Under the dust of everyone shuffling at the same time, civilians stepped over one another in a frenzied attempt to hurl themselves into the nearest shelter they could find.

Soon, it was every man for himself. No place was barred from being taken up by bodies: pots, cabinets, closets, haystacks, and _coffins_ , too.

"Four."

If the squawking chickens and kicking cows weren't a sight enough, a few villagers had somehow come to the conclusion that as long as they couldn't see him, then he couldn't see them.

"Eight."

There were times when Nezha wanted so desperately to capture the scene before him in his mind and replay it by himself in his room for shits and giggles. He wanted to memorize each and every wrinkle of terror everyone made, taking in the affects he could have on them.

"Ten." He uttered the last number with soft delicacy, but anyone with a brain could hear the restrained agitation seeping under the words.

Nezha was losing patience. Flinging an apple onto the head of a still running man, he marked the beginning of hide-and-seek with a screech from the villager.

The man skidded onto the ground in a thud, shivering uncontrollably. Something about the way he curled up into a ball, avoiding eye contact with him irked Nezha.

_A grown ass man can't be that much of a coward?! I didn't even throw that hard!_

Nezha scowled, passing the fallen civilian without as much as another glance.

He shouted into the void, "I hope everyone's gonna try harder than this! Ready or not, here I come!"

It was too easy; some failed to cover their mouths as they breathed in and out like a dragon in battle. Despite going on about it for over two years, the village never improved.

There was no point for Nezha to use his heightened senses to scope out the 'players'. They might as well hold up a sign that scribbled 'I'm right here!' at that point. Running finger along the cement walls in a haphazard manner, he whistled a jolly tune too festive for the tension around him,

"Come out, come out wherever you are!" Nezha called. Lifting the lid off of an empty wine pot, he feigned surprise at the lack of shrieks.

He could hear the one person in the next pot over practically whimpering under their cover. The fear must've been great enough for the entire container to shake.

Nezha hummed to himself as he stepped towards the pot, twirling a branch in his hands. With a languid drag, his feet thudded against the dirt ground with emphasized force. A tiny squeak echoed from the container, officially giving away to the person within.

"Hmm." Nezha stroked the other pots besides it almost lovingly. "Now where did ya go?"

 _Fwip_. The pot second to the left was slapped away. Each smash of a china elicited a shriek. If Nezha had a third eye, he swore he would see the fear radiating in the last pot of the bunch.

His smile grew; playtime was over now.

Reaching over, Nezha wrapped his fingers over the handles, breathing in the anticipated rush of adrenaline the shear horror from the man would bring.

Lips peeling back to reveal sharp canines, the young man readied his most terrifying expression. At the same time, the villager inside prepared himself to beg for mercy. 

Funny enough, it would appear that his prayers were answered, because the lid never opened.

Instead, Nezha's eyes were glued to the posters nailed onto the columns over his head. The stark contrast of red against white caught his attention. A warrant of some kind had been posted all over the town square.

It had to be fresh; the last time he had been in Chentang's center, Nezha didn't notice such a thing. Littering the walls of restaurants and stands, the warrants were hard to miss.

Without a second thought, Nezha's arm shot out and tore off a poster. Even the ink smelled like it had just been stamped onto the paper.

"Viceroy of Chentang calls for any brave warrior willing to rescue his bride, the maiden of the East Sea Pagoda. If successful, the reward of one hundred thousand taels of gold and twenty acres of land..." Nezha mumbled out the information in a string of low growls.

 _Pathetic_.

In a huff, he crumpled the paper, tossing it aside. It sounded like some cheesy bedtime story plastered into reality, and he couldn't help but remember the stupid fairytale he'd read earlier in the morning.

As much as Nezha appreciated the celestial aspects of life, sappy legends were very much barf-inducing, real or not. He had seen enough men who forced others to fight their own battles to not give a hoot for this dime a dozen opportunity.

Agitation spiked through his veins. He realized he wasted a good minute of his time mulling over a poster. It almost derailed him from his original plans. Speaking of which...

Nezha chuckled, eyes zoning back to the quivering pot next to him. Throwing all thoughts of the fairytale out the window, he cracked his knuckles.

There was still a town left to scare.

* * *

Li-Jing's voice boomed over the courtyard, threatening to take down trees had he been any louder. The deep baritone made matters worse, echoing off the buildings like an angry thunder god seconds away from blasting lightning to the ground.

"I am about done with you!"

The servants scurried back to their quarters, not bothering to deliver dinner. Though, it didn't sound like the Li Family was hungry either.

Clustered around the mess of a room, Li-Jing and Lady Yin were currently looming over a lounging Nezha, who clearly wasn't going to pretend to give them an audience.

"What must I say to make you obey me?" Li-Jing demanded. "The village's tolerance of you is waning! One more misshape and they'll be at your neck!"

The threat made no difference in aiding their argument. If anything, the fine lines between Nezha's brows creased deeper, forming harsh valleys contorting his face in the most horrifying way possible.

He snapped, "And why do I care? That's what they said last time. If they really had the guts, they'd be dead by now."

Venomous abhorrence spewed from the youth, matching the volume of his father's with no trouble.

Li-Jing narrowed his eyes, balling his fists at his sides.

Not thrilled to see another fistfight break out, Lady Yin rested a hand against his back, trying desperately to reel her husband back from the land of rage.

The general was at his limits. In spite of all the training with Taiyi in the past two years, the volatile nature never left Nezha.

Reality crushed Li-Jing with an insufferable amount of pressure that he swore his back would break if it got any worse.

"You're not helping!" the general argued. "The more you retaliate, the more monsters you have to slay to appease them. You'll be back in square one."

Out of everything Li-Jing said, one of the words seemed to trigger Nezha, because the latter was up in his father's face in a flash, teeth baring like a wild boar beaten to a corner.

"So _what_ ," Nezha hissed through gritted teeth. "That's for me and me only! I'm not slaying monsters to make them happy. Those ingrates could rot for all I care!"

It didn't take a grand scholar to see that Li-Jing wanted to slam his own head against the poles. 

Chen-Tang's general, held to the highest standard of all citizens, couldn't even control his own son. It wasn't clear if the red tint on his cheeks was from anger or embarrassment.

Lady Yin, on the other hand, didn't appear to give up. "Please, Nezha. I'll stay with you longer tomorrow. Just promise mother you won't go out like that again."

Nezha let out a bitter chuckle. Her consolidation had long lost its meaning to him. After the thirtieth time she failed her promise, he stopped counting. The efforts to calm him only served as an insult to his wounds.

"I wouldn't dream of holding you back," Nezha slurred. "Save your pity party for next time."

He rose to excuse himself, but the arm of his father appeared in his way, blocking the exit. Nezha did a double-take, but he could feel the smoldering indignation rising at incredible speed.

"That's not gonna stop me."

Li-Jing sighed. "Son, I understand your frustrations. But what happened today happened, and we need to do something about it."

"No we don't." Adamancy was Nezha's strong suit.

"I know you better than you'd think," his father retorted. "You want them to accept you. But every time some villager gets to you, you go right back to your old self. It's not doing favors for any of us. We only want you to be happy. And you do, too. But you know you won't get any better by terrorizing them."

A slight twitch at the corners of Nezha's lips was a bigger sign than all else. He was listening, albeit begrudgingly.

Exhaling in relief, Li-Jing took the silent invitation to go on. At least he had a foot in the door now.

"There might be a few assignments we could give you," he continued. "They're not boring for sure. You might have to get physical with a few demons, though. But it could come in handy for training."

At the sound of demons, Nezha made a rigid turn towards his father, his pointed ears stood at attention. As long as he had the chance to put his two-years worth of training to work, anything was negotiable.

Li-Jing knew he had his son's full interest. He just had to give one more nudge and-

_Bang!_

A crash exploded by the doors, slapping all three Li's from their stare-down. Li-Jing groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. They had everything smoothed over, inches away from calming Nezha, and this motherf- just had to ruin it.

The general whipped his gaze to the dusty entrance, mouth open to unleash a slew of grievances, before his eyes widened at the sight of the guest.

Standing over the crumbles of what was left of the gates, Taiyi stumbled over his two left feet, mumbling something about wine and pretty women.

Nezha couldn't roll his eyes any harder. His master was undoubtedly drunk over his head, maybe even rejected by a few girls on the streets. The scene before him was too familiar.

Huffing, he glared. "Get lost, old geezer. I'm in the middle of something."

Taiyi ignored his demand, instead sauntering over in a giddy fashion like he just discovered the next best thing.

"Yohohoho!" The stench of alcohol escaped from the deity's mouth, gagging the poor audience around him. "Found the next adventure for ya, boy! I Overheard tha 'hole thing back there!"

Nezha growled. "You could've at least knocked!"

Taiyi snorted, patting his beer belly. "Can't a retired model relive his catwalk entrance?"

If he thought that was supposed to be funny, then he flopped hard. Nezha's previous agitation was on the rise once more, this time with full force.

"Spit it out already, old man! Can't you see I'm busy?!"

"Jeez," Taiyi complained. "Alright, alright! I found the perfect mission to repair your majesty's tarnished reputation, you little ingrate."

The deity grounded the last words in a whisper, trying but obviously failing to hide his distaste. Nezha's enhanced hearing caught it without a problem.

In light of his hammered state, Nezha stayed silent despite feeling a vein pop. There was always another day to light Taiyi's pants on fire.

"Spit. It. Out," he grounded.

Taiyi seemed to find amusement in twirling Nezha's mood, opting to wag a finger in front of the youth's face. The god knew his ass was going to pay for it later, but the petty in him had to take the opportunity.

Fumbling through his many pockets, Taiyi's face lit up with child-like jubilation at the sound of crinkling paper.

Nezha was _not_ prepared to have a smelly and stained piece of parchment shoved into his face. He was sure if Taiyi had another pot of alcohol, he would've straight up crashed into him instead. 

His master wiggled his caterpillar of a brow.

"Ya interested in some dragonslayin'?"

It took Nezha a moment to come back down to Earth. He snatched the paper, scowling at the deity before him. Focusing on the words of the parchment, the young man almost coughed blood at the sudden recognition.

The warrant for the princess stared right back into his eyes.


	2. Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting married to a viceroy wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to a woman. And from the looks of Chen’s estate, he wasn’t lacking in the financial realm. 
> 
> Nezha smirked. It was probably the only height of his character, if he had any of that in the first place, of course. That princess was a lucky one.
> 
> Fuck it. No one ever thought of it. So why should I?

The viceroy was a small man. 

By that, Nezha meant no taller than four feet.

Yes. He was that tiny. It made Nezha want to excuse himself and forget he ever accepted the case. 

“Ahem,” Viceroy Chen cleared his throat. The proud haughtiness that shrouded him minutes before had drained from his body, leaving a puddle of apprehension in his wake.

Nezha could practically hear the gears in Viceroy Chen’s head turn as he debated if he should even trust him.

It was no secret the Viceroy held the same, if not, worse opinion regarding Nezha. The way his beady eyes bulged like he saw the grim reaper himself was comical if under different circumstances.

Though to be fair, Nezha found glee with the fact his mere presence could silence the imp-like man of all arrogant pretense.

It warmed his heart to think that the Viceroy would shut up as soon as he realized he was under the looming shadow of the much taller young man.

“I would like to express my appreciation, once again,” Viceroy Chen emphasized. “For offering to save my bride from the hideous dragon. I will be forever in your debt!”

Staring down at the groveling man, Nezha snorted at the saccharine monologue. If there’s one thing he learned about Chentang Pass over the years, it was the discouraging amount of genuine gratitude and appreciation the people really held inside.

Viceroy Chen was the hallmark of all that. And Nezha would rather choke on a tang-hulu than hear another fake thank you from the old man.

“So you’ll speak to the town on my behalf to allow me full freedom to roam Chentang without the headache from villagers.” It wasn’t a question, more like an affirmation.

Never in his life would Nezha ever find it in himself to beg for favors. He always assumed the silent agreement between him and anyone else would be respected, lest someone wished to become the next barbeque for the community picnic.

“Y-yes!” The Viceroy stretched his grin a bit too wide, compensating for his chattering teeth. “Bring my bride in one piece and your wish is at my command.”

The pompous confidence of the man was the last straw. Nezha didn’t bother to hide his contempt as he leered down at the four-footed Viceroy.

“Don’t get too excited,” Nezha snapped. “She ain’t your wife yet. Who knows maybe the dragon gobbled her up after all these years.”

His outburst earned him a hard slap upside the head from Lady Yin. The mother sent him a dirty look, stunning the young man into momentary silence.

“My apologies, Viceroy!” Lady Yin exclaimed. “He woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. He’s usually a sweetheart, I guarantee it!”

‘Sweetheart’ and ‘Nezha’ never existed in the same sentence. The fact that his mother, someone who his very existence tormented since day one, was the first to suggest so made him burst out cackling.

He never asked for compliments.

Slinging his waistcoat over his shoulders, Nezha blew out a whistle. “Whatever. I’ll get it done. Ya better pay up afterward or you’re dead meat.” 

Viceroy Chen whimpered a meek ‘of course’ before hitting the ground on his knees once more. Nezha wasn’t sure if he was begging for his life or repeating his broken record of thanks. 

_ Stupid _ . Tsking, he stepped out of the manor, ignoring the angry chatter from Lady Yin. Nezha hadn’t the heart to tell her to shut up, so he resorted to blocking the babble from her. One of the many perks of the reincarnation of a spirit orb.

His thoughts trailed back to the quivering Viceroy Chen, tangling into a throbbing mess that pulsed against his skull.

Whoever was in that pagoda was not going to have a happy wedding. Nezha still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact Chen had somehow become the Viceroy amongst all people. 

He shuddered at the thought of anyone willing to throw themselves at Chen. 

But Nezha was quick to jump over the negatives. At least the woman won’t be cursed anymore, so that’s a plus...He guessed.

Unlike  _ him _ , no one was going to send a few kisses over and rid him of  _ his _ problems.

There was no reason to feel sorry for some random stranger who had it better. Pushing the thoughts aside, Nezha found himself strolling near towards the beach, away from Li Manor. 

The sun was more than halfway done with its descent behind the mountains, reminding Nezha of the long journey from the Viceroy's manor. 

He craved a good stretch after sitting on a horse for hours on end.

Lady Yin noticed his change in route and was on edge in an instant. “Wait Nezha! Where are you going?”

Said man didn’t bother to turn around, rather waving a hand. “I need some time alone. I’ll be back in a bit.”

“But-”

“Relax, mom!” Nezha snapped. “I’m not gonna eat the kids.”

It wasn’t like Lady Yin was in the condition to stop him anyway. No one could. Nezha was off his steed within seconds, darting into the woods before anyone could open their mouths to protest. 

The night had just made its entrance not long enough when Nezha found his way back to the beach. He prayed it would help smooth the firing nerves he held down for the entirety of the morning, it usually did the trick. 

But the unrelenting growth of an uncomfortable churn in his gut stayed, not budging an inch. It drove him to a mental frenzy knowing he couldn’t control it.

“Ha! Knew you'd be here!” Taiyi’s face popped into Nezha’s view upside down without warning, nearly sending the young man flying backward.

“The hell old man?!”

Nezha almost felt a yelp escape him, but was thankful that it failed to do so. There was no telling what would happen to Taiyi if he caught Nezha ‘acting out of character’ again. 

Recalling the last time he wanted to beat Taiyi’s ass in, Nezha’s mind somersaulted before landing back to reality. Right, he promised himself he still had to set Taiyi’s pants on fire.

Unfortunately for Nezha, the slight gleam in his eyes revealed too much.

His master picked up on the red alarms in a second’s notice. Giggling, the deity bounced back a few feet, wagging his finger in Nezha’s face again.

“Yeah, that’s not happening,” Taiyi said. “I just got these last week on sale, too! You’ll have to wait a bit before you rip ‘em.”

Nezha snorted. “Sure. Be prepared for the double debt. I’ve wanted to go at you for a while now.”

Taiyi widened his eyes with comical intent, putting a hand over his chest in a horrid attempt to look heartbroken.

His student wasn’t impressed.

“You know gods don’t have heart problems right?” Nezha added. Raising a brow, he gave Taiyi a thumbs down.

Grumbling a string of unintelligible words, Taiyi glared. “You know you’re really petty right?”

“Nice to meet you too, kettle,” Nezha retorted, revealing his canines in a sharp smile. A smug look was rewarded to Taiyi, who’s face went through three shades of red.

“Garrrrgh!” Taiyi plopped down next to the youth, out of breath and comebacks. “You win.”

Nezha knew him well enough to know that the deity wasn’t just there to bicker over who had the best debating skills. But he wasn’t interested in beating around the bush this time.

“Seriously, what do you want now.”

Grabbing a pebble from the sand, Nezha made a neat toss to the waters, letting it skid across before sinking to the dark depths.

He waited, all the while digging his hands deeper into his pockets.

“Saw you didn’t come back,” Taiyi said. “Thought you died or something. Viceroy Chen has a very spiky reputation.” 

“Piss off!” Nezha growled. He rolled his eyes and trudged further into the water. “He nearly shat himself today.”

Taiyi didn’t relent. “Hey, I was just worried! You never come here for nothing.”

It was going to take a broken tooth to get Nezha to cooperate, and it was obvious it wasn’t going to be today. The deity sighed, flicking his feather duster in exasperation.

Oh, how he wanted to whoop that kid’s ass.

“Just thinking about things,” Nezha replied. Letting out a loud exhale, he continued, “Wondering how that friend would do if he were in my shoes.” 

His sudden response had Taiyi’s brows arching in inhumanly shaped degrees. Nezha never revealed his deepest notions without putting up a fight...Maybe ‘never’ was a stretch, but still.

Taiyi looked like he wasn’t sure what to believe. His perturbed pout of the lips reminded Nezha of a stunned fish out of water. 

“Dude, you look like you’re gonna kiss somebody,” Nezha joked. But his antics flew over his master’s head.

Clearing his throat, the deity threw him a look, not bothering with an argument of his own. The shift in Taiyi’s gaze turned to one of apprehension as if he was afraid of the conversation’s direction.

“You thinking of  _ that _ old friend again? The one who played shuttlecock with you?”

“Yeah,” Nezha admitted. “It’s been a year since I’ve seen him.” 

He kicked another rock into the sea, whistling as he did so. Despite being a proficient master at masking his discomfort, Nezha had times when even the great bastard child himself couldn’t hide the unease on his face.

His fingers traced the wet sand, mindlessly painting creases onto the smooth canvas, then letting the tides wash it off. 

_ A curse gets lifted, someone gets married, and I get to fight a dragon. What’s not to like?  _

The nagging pit in his stomach returned, tugging at Nezha’s mind like an unrelenting leach. Embarrassment had his cheeks flaming red, reminding him of his inability to even think straight. 

He prayed it wasn’t guilt he felt, given that his motto since day one was to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. The uncomfortable pressure in his chest was a pain in the arse, especially when there’s nothing to feel sorry about. Or at least he hoped.

Nezha was so into his head that he failed to detect the nearing footsteps above him. A pinch of his ears sent him howling, clutching at the pointed tips like they’d been cut off.

An overreaction, for sure, but Nezha wasn’t going to admit that.

“You know you still have me, right?” Taiyi asked. His lack of remorse over Nezha’s ears did him no favors as the latter scooted away in an instant.

“Of course,” Nezha grounded. “A wonderful friend who is so obsessed with me that he  _ stalks _ me wherever I go.”

He hissed at him to make a point.

Taiyi whimpered. Nezha was positive he was seconds away from a breakdown, with the old man’s eyes enlarging into spheres the size of apples. 

The deity stomped his feet. “That’s because I care about you, ya little ingrate! I wiped your mess so many times I lost count. And here I am, thinking that we’re pals.”

Nezha wished his eyes would stay stuck to the back of his head. Thank god Taiyi was sober. He wasn’t down to haul a god with his magnified sensitivity back home at this time of day.

“Quit the guilt-trippin, old geezer.” He handed a spare handkerchief towards his master but made sure he stayed as far away as possible. God snot was not sparkling rainbows as people should know. 

Taiyi was back to his old self in a flash, completely disregarding his previous stance. Snatching the cloth away, the deity’s face lit up like a midnight lamp in the dark.

“See! We _ are _ friends! I bet I’m the only sappy old man to ever make you offer tissues,” Taiyi insisted. 

Nezha glowered. “Shut up!” 

His master beamed his vast mouth of teeth at him, inching closer while he was at it. “Ok la!” 

He plopped himself right next to Nezha, wiggling his butt into the sand as he tried to find the perfect position. After what felt like hours of him grunting and shuffling for the right comfort, Taiyi found the equilibrium.

Then he fell silent….Very silent. 

For once, Nezha thought even the crickets were the loudest things on Earth.

He could feel Taiyi’s eyes boring holes into the side of his face, but he held his ground, refusing to look back. The serene peace was much appreciated; he’d rather not break it.

If only he wasn’t that naive. If only he didn’t speak that fast. Because Taiyi couldn’t make it past five minutes. 

“So...When are we gonna leave?” The deity prodded him with his feather duster, oblivious to the twitching muscles on the youth’s face.

Nezha allowed himself to fall backward onto the sand face up, defeated.

He sighed. "Tomorrow."

Then it hit him straight in the chest.

_ Wait. What?! We-? _

“Who’s ‘we’?” Nezha whipped around to Taiyi so hard he heard his neck snap. “Who’s ‘ _ we _ ’?!”

The deity twirled his feather duster, avoiding eye contact. 

“Well, y’know. With all the fancy dragons and whatnot, I gotta come with you,” Taiyi said. When he saw the darkening shadows spread across Nezha’s face like wildfire, he backpedaled. 

“Plus, it’s more bonding time!” the deity added.

Nezha wanted to hit himself with a brick and pass out. He’d be lucky if he could even find a rock that could accomplish such a thing. 

“That’s what I meant,” he retorted. “You’re a literal stalker.”

Kicking a wave of sand at Taiyi, he stood up afterwards to dust himself off. His master paid no attention to the weak assault and continued his barrage of explanations.

“Why do you make it sound like I’m so desperate,” Taiyi wailed. “I’m simply doing my job of protecting my student and making sure he’s improving.”

Nezha snorted. “Yeah, right. More like making sure I’m on a leash.” 

Taiyi rolled to a standing position, albeit teetering back and forth. “I’m serious! I gotta keep an eye on you. Besides, I’ve got a bunch of magical treasures that could come in handy!” 

The attempt to convince Nezha tumbled into a pool of dung. But the last remark struck a reminder in Nezha. A lightbulb lit in his head as he came to a conclusion. The young man smirked as he stepped closer to the deity, an arm stretched out with an expecting hand.

“Give me the spear and sash and we’re good, old man,” he said. 

Taiyi shook his head at the offer. Clutching his belt like his life depended on it, he did his best to scowl at Nezha. “Nuh-uh. That’s not happening.”

The deity’s stubbornness made his student laugh. 

“Don’t make me light your ass on fire again,” Nezha warned. He held up a finger, a small flame already dancing around his hand, waiting for its command.

The color drained from Taiyi’s cheeks as he gulped down a big lump.

“Can’t do that. I Locked ‘em in a secret stash for emergency use.”

Nezha huffed. “Then unlock it.”

Crossing his arms, he stared down at the shorter god, not in any mood to drop the case. Under the circumstances, one would think Nezha could tower over a grown man. 

But that didn’t move Taiyi one bit. “I said I can’t. It’s got a password.”

By that point, Nezha lost all hope for any sense of normalcy. He needed to smash a rock. Badly.

Slapping a hand to his forehead, the youth threw a burning glare at his master.

“You forgot it didn’t you?” 

Taiyi rubbed the back of his head, mumbling something under his breath. “I don’t think so. I swear it’s on a paper somewhere back home.”

Realizing that there wasn’t going to be a way around him, Nezha slumped back. Taiyi was smart if he wanted to be. Whatever it was, he wasn’t getting his precious spear back. 

“Fine. You can come,” Nezha said. “Just don’t fuck things up.” 

“When did I ever?!” Taiyi complained. He extended the feather duster, trying to whack Nezha. There wasn’t a need to dodge it. The latter snorted, not impressed with the lack of effort. 

Nezha sighed. “Nevermind.”

He reclined back onto the sand, hands propping him up. The twisting feeling in his gut waned, but the residual spasms were still there. 

Getting married to a viceroy wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to a woman. And from the looks of Chen’s estate, he wasn’t lacking in the financial realm. 

Nezha smirked. It was probably the only height of his character, if he had any of that in the first place, of course. That princess was a lucky one.

_ Fuck it. No one ever thought of it. So why should I? _

Shoving the last thoughts around Chen to the back of his mind, Nezha exhaled and rolled to his side. 

The cool gust of wind caressed his cheeks, whispering their soothing lullaby. Sleep was inviting him to its cave, and after a day like this, Nezha didn’t have the mind to refuse.

He was  _ that _ close to closing his eyes when a tap on the head brought him to the surface of reality.

“Hey don’t fall asleep here!” Taiyi scolded. “Your mother’s not gonna let me live it down.”

Nezha felt the rush of burning flames course to the tips of his finger. A devilish grin broke into his lips. There wasn’t anyone there to rat him out. 

“You asked for it, old man.”

“W-wait stop! Help!” Taiyi shot up into the sky, a blast of light trailing after his rear-end like fireworks. 

In Nezha’s defense, the deity created exquisite colors. His only regret was not doing it sooner.

“You filthy lil’ brat!” His master’s voice rained from the top. “I told you this was new!”

But all Taiyi got in return was howling laughter from the young man below. Remorse wasn’t that popular in Nezha’s vocabulary, so an apology wasn’t going to happen any time soon.

A hint of a smile tugged at Nezha’s lips. At least he felt much better now.

Now that he thought about it, gods made really good fireworks.

* * *

Ao Bing watched as a general scrambled for the tower’s exit.

In just one year of guarding the East Sea Pagoda, he was able to draw a rough idea of all generals within the lands. They were crude, arrogant, boastful, and mannerless. 

The one taking his leave had created a new label all for himself; stupid. It wasn’t a word Ao Bing was proud of using. In fact, a tiny part of his pride cracked the moment he realized the man had tried to use a demon-repelling spell against him.

It did the general zero favors when he came bursting in while proclaiming his undying love for the maiden like he had known her for all his life. 

He waxed poetic about her smile, which he hadn't seen. He sang praises about her laugh, which he hadn’t heard. He went on for miles describing her hair, which he never touched. 

Furthermore, he made Ao Bing’s head throb with pity for whoever may have caught the monstrosity of a speech. 

The rescue party ended much worse compared to the others. If he was being honest, Ao Bing wouldn’t even want to consider it an attempt at all. 

He didn’t get the chance to practice his Thousand-Year Frozen Palm technique. There was no point. A single punch would’ve sent the general packing.

Humans were a double-edged sword. One moment they were the kindest souls, and the other they were hideous beings with no self-control whatsoever. 

Ao Bing was beginning to understand the unified distaste towards them from his clan. Take a man like that general and multiply it by the thousands and humanity would be littered with scum that could still call themselves a ‘man’.

Claws retracting, the dragon prince turned his head towards the room at top of the pagoda. 

The princess was staring at him. Her full lips pressed into a grim line, disappointment painted all over her features. A small voice inside Ao Bing’s head hoped she didn’t hear the other colorful things the general said.

If he himself couldn’t hold back the urge to vomit at the words of the man, he didn’t want to know how she would react if she did.

Thank god he never appeared in his human form in front of her, the guilt on his face would’ve eaten him alive.

She let out a visible exhale, before closing the windows with a hard thud. Ao Bing felt the rattle through the core of his bones.

It was surprisingly hard to tell whether or not she despised him. Even with the reality of him being her jailor, she had tried to get him talking multiple times since he started his mission; mostly pointless questions around mundane things. 

As per Shen Gong-Bao’s request, Ao Bing never turned up in human form, never spoke back, and never initiated a single interaction. It was a good idea, though. He couldn’t have his emotions blocking him in the long run.

The curse wasn’t for him to break. There was nothing he could do.

But the cold sweat of shame ran down his spine, seeping into the skin of his back. It made him queasy, though he didn’t dare voice it.

Ao Bing sighed, padding across the palace. It was easier to think of his people whenever his mind wandered too far.

Yes, He was doing this for  _ them _ .

Ao Bing’s thoughts rang a bell, as the familiar footsteps of Shen echoed in the hallways as soon as he finished his musings.

Forming from the shadows like a phantom of the night, the leopard demon morphed into the shape of a human. His yellow eyes glowed beyond the dark like burning amber. The brewing colors hid the storms of thunderous unrest despite his master’s poised exterior. 

“I-I-I assume you h-have mastered the T-Thousand-Year F-froz-z-en Palm technique?” Shen inquired. His spindly fingers thumped against one another in frantic dance, betraying his calm veneer.

Ao Bing made no attempt to hide his progress, saluting Shen with a confident bow.

“I have, Master. I’ve perfected bloodstream paralysis of pressure points. It can now be done in one strike.”

Shen Gong-Bao was elated. His eyes narrowed into crescent-shaped moons as he clapped his hands. Even Ao Bing had to admit it was very rare to see his master genuinely  _ smile _ . 

It raised the young dragon’s spirits somewhat.

“E-excellent!” Shen rested a clawed hand on Ao Bing’s shoulder, patting him with good nature. “You’re o-on the right t-track-k! You’ll be able t-t-to overpower the d-demon orb s-soon enough!”

The mention of the demon pill sent Ao Bing’s horns vibrating with nervous anticipation. There was no room for him to mess up.

All he had to do was track down the reincarnation of the demon orb, hold him off long enough in front of thousands of humans to be struck by lightning, and then win the Jade Emperor’s favor. 

His father would be freed, and it would be worth all the blood he shed along the past three years. 

Shen broke into his thoughts once more, rattling his trail of plans out loud. 

“Who knew th-that this girl’s c-curse would serve as the best t-tr-training g-ground for you. I-I’d have to thank w-w-whatever s-stupid god that did it.”

Ao Bing forced a smile to the surface. He wasn’t too keen on getting into the details of the curse. The less he knew the better. 

But his body failed to find a muscle to refuse the beaming leopard demon in front of him. He hated to disappoint, and over nothing at that.

Glancing up at his master with stifled unease, Ao Bing waited for the next command.

“Y-your father would be p-pr-proud of you,” Shen continued. “You’ve a-accomplished more th-things than any members of y-your clan could dream of. You j-ju-just have to defeat the demon orb now. I-I have faith in your s-success.”

A calculating gleam flashed across Shen’s eyes, silencing the doubts in Ao Bing’s mind. The young dragon felt a cold wave of resolution wash over his back.

His master was right; winning was the only choice. Ao Bing couldn’t have anything in his way. 

Life was never known for its fairness in all the years he’d been alive. What did he expect?

The dragon prince felt the corners of his lips tug downward. He should be grateful for how the events turned out, worse things could’ve happened. 

It was as good as it was going to get for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taiyi trolls as usual...What did you expect??
> 
> LMAO I hoped ya'll are getting excited (or not) for the long journey ahead!


	3. Journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sigh from the winds brushed past Nezha’s arms, leaving a hollow chill seeping into his skin. His head rose, following the increased volume of ragged breaths from above. Screams echoed in his head, imploring him to move.
> 
> Nezha’s brain popped its last screws before coming to an abrupt stop. His breath hitched, though he’d never admit it.
> 
> Peering down at them, flashing its rows of iridescent sharp fangs, was a dragon. From the guttural growls of the beast, Nezha was sure it was hungry.
> 
> And they were the midnight snack.

When Taiyi said he was going to tag along, Nezha thought he meant he would do it in silence. 

Sweet. Delicious. Silence.

He should’ve known better.

It was starting to sound like a great idea to bite his tongue whenever his master was around, because off to his side, swinging a gourd of liquor like a child’s toy, was a singing god. And he sang... _ horribly _ . 

Every other note was at least two octaves off, and the squeaking crack in his voice made him sound something akin to a dying cat. A screech bellowed from his vocal chords as the deity picked up his pace, prancing forward with too much enthusiasm.

Nezha thought he could take it. Who the fuck was he kidding; the sound was splitting his head from ear to ear, slicing straight across the skull. Furthermore, Taiyi had dug himself a grave by refusing to let them fly. 

Apparently, traveling to the pagoda in the ‘natural’ way was supposed to be a resiliency test. They were ‘humans’, after all. The young man found himself near the verge of spitting blood at the revelation of Taiyi’s plans.

“You’re impatient, hotheaded, and arrogant,” the deity had told him, counting his three fingers. “I’m opting for the long route to help hone your adaptability skills.”

That, plus his wretched solo-audience concert pushed Nezha’s temper to a boiling sizzle. Seeing the red tint on Taiyi’s face, he so wished he could knock whatever happy thoughts that made itself home in the god’s head out and fill it with electrifying rage.

Nezha was ninety-nine percent sure Taiyi was doing it to press his buttons, ‘testing his patience’. And he was ninety-nine percent positive that he wasn’t just going to burn his pants this time. 

“So loooooooong, my pretty darlinnnngs…” Taiyi chorused. His hand waved fanatically, conducting his imaginary erhu orchestra. In his delirious high, his meaty arm accidentally swung too far to the side, slapping Nezha’s face like a drum.

It proved to be the last straw. The blood under the youth’s skin ran hot with mortification. 

“Can you shut the fuck up?!” Nezha barked. “For five minutes!”

They’ve barely made it a few hours out of Chentang Pass and he was already thinking of turning back. The road to the East Sea stretched on before him in a never-ending path with no end in sight. Nezha feared he’d turn insane before they could even get halfway through.

Taiyi stared at him with those same enlarged eyes again, pouting. But all that got him was a roll of eyes from the youth. 

Nezha breathed a sigh of relief. At the minimum he got the silence he wanted, so that was a score. Trudging along the path, he stuck a wheat straw between his teeth, chewing it with a thoughtful frown on his features.

It was going to take at least three days with their inhuman speed to reach the East Sea, granted if Taiyi didn’t forget the rest of the way in the middle of the road. 

Lugging a human without any combat training or celestial abilities would slow them down on the way back. And Nezha realized he had to mentally prepare himself for the even longer journey after they defeated the dragon.

He grunted in agitation, tsking at the thought. The villagers better shut up for a good while after this, else he might just lose it. Hell, he’ll-

_ Chomp! _

A crisp crunch of teeth grated his ears, making him recoil at the offensive sound. Nezha’s eyes bolted open, and he hurled around in time to see Taiyi snacking on a whole onion. 

The deity smacked his lips, paying no attention to the small measure of peace that he broke. Liquid sprayed from the raw vegetable like juices from a fresh peach. 

One could’ve easily assumed that Taiyi was just out on an afternoon stroll instead of in the middle of a perilous journey of demon-slaying. 

Nezha’s glare must’ve scathed his skin somehow because the god turned to him with a sheepish smile threatening to break out.

“What? Onions are good for high blood pressure!” Taiyi protested. “You should try some, too!”

Nezha was at a loss of words with how to respond to his adamant obliviousness. “ _ Why _ ?”

Taiyi side-eyed him as if the answer should’ve been hanging over Nezha’s head. 

“Y’know, with all that blazin’ tension ya got bottled up these days, you might wanna do something about if you’re not gonna use the standard method.”

Gesturing to his lower half, the deity grinned. It didn’t take long for the message to slap Nezha across the face.

Cheeks flaming, the youth tore his gaze away to stare at the trees instead. He resisted the compulsion to send one flying across the forest. Muttering a string of curses, he kept the embarrassment at bay. 

Opting to stuff his fists in his pockets, Nezha stormed into the woods, not bothering to look back at the laughing drunkard.

The deity yelled. “You’re gonna burn the whole forest down before you know it!”

Nezha’s veins wanted to burst.

“Shut up, fatty!”

* * *

He underestimated the time to their destination. It took them two weeks.

It didn't help that Taiyi had a bathroom break every hour with his incessant drinking.

By the time Nezha felt the wind in the air turn into an aggressive pull at his body, he was just about ready to quit.

A cold gust of air swept across the plains, swiping their harsh strokes against his bare skin. Thank heavens for he was a fire elemental, lest he wanted to turn into a popsicle.

The brilliant rays of sun were immediately sucked into the thunderous clouds around the East Sea Island. Light morphed into dark as soon as one reached the cliffs separating the waters from land. 

It was like the isle was encased in its own world, excluded from all life outside it. A rumble of thunder sounded within the hazy mist, indicating the coming of rain. 

The pagoda was surrounded by the palace. The palace was surrounded by the sea. 

And there was no boat. 

Nezha scanned his surroundings, desperate to locate any sign of life. His eyes failed to see past the heavy fog around the palace, only making out the slight outlines of the tower within.

The howling wind pierced his eardrums with an angry cry. Nezha could hardly keep his eyes open against the barrage of tornado-esque assault from the gravels.

It was no wonder the town was deserted; the winds alone could tear off skin if you stayed out long enough.

A roped bridge was spotted within a couple of feet, raising his excitement. Dashing towards the slither of hope, Nezha waved for Taiyi to follow.

Like a cruel joke, his hopes were blown to smithereens at the sight of the tattered ropes and rotting wood. It  _ was _ a bridge, keyword:  _ was _ .

Something or someone must’ve blown the aqueduct to dust, as evidenced by the splintered chips scattered over the ground.

The rest of the bridge hung in shambles into the water, void of any use for everyone. 

“We need a ride,” Nezha said. “Call out the pig.”

He sent an expecting glare to the deity, who was inching away like he had been caught with his hands in the cookie jar.

“Um, I’m afraid he can’t do that.” Taiyi almost looked guilty. Almost.

Nezha’s eyes twitched. “Wait, why?!”

Taiyi threw his hands up, his sleeves flying in a wild array under the assault of the wind.

“What do you think?! He can barely fly in normal circumstances, much less under this weather!”

The deity teetered to his side, digging his feet into the earth to find balance. His face scrunched up, grimacing at the scrapes from the breeze. 

Under the constant onslaught of the storm, Nezha’s mind rattled a string of incoherent thoughts, all lost within the screeching wind. 

_ There has to be a way out of this. If only there’s a shield… _

Nezha’s gaze snapped back to Taiyi, his features lighting up with anticipation.

“Old man!” he called. “Set a protection spell around us now!”

It was worth a try. He’d have to think of a way to get across the sea later, but he needed a safe space to gather his mind first.

Taiyi gaped at him for a moment, before shaking himself out of his stupor. He hurried through his sleeves for the paper talisman. Grasping the yellow parchment in his hand, the god closed his eyes. He muttered a low chant, knitting his brows in concentration.

Sweat beaded across the deity’s forehead as he looked like it was taking all of his strength to control the force of the incantation.

A spark of light spat from the ground around them, growing in rapid speed until Nezha could see the yellow glow encasing them in their designated bubble. 

As easy as blowing out a candle, the burning scratch at his skin ceased immediately, taking the roaring wind with it. Nezha blinked, dusting his face and clearing up his vision. 

While the deafening ring in his ears of being under the weather stayed, he could now take in the surroundings without looking through half-lidded eyes.

He sucked in a breath, wheezing with laughter. 

“It worked!” 

Unfortunately for him, the small triumph didn’t last more than five seconds until a cough shattered his soaring confidence.

“Yeah, yeah!  _ Now _ what?” Taiyi wasn’t too pleased on the side. His hands never left their position, still in rigid form to uphold the barrier. “You  _ do _ know that I can’t keep up with this forever! The storm will crush us!”

Nezha ran a hand through his hair. Yes, he had the chance to think. But how the hell was he supposed to come up with a way to swim across a raging sea? Not to mention Taiyi's aversion to water.

He guessed it was his own fault, given the last time Taiyi touched anybody of lakes was when Nezha assaulted him with a group of poisonous toads inside the Divine Painting of Mountains. 

The memory popped up at the worst possible time, making Nezha snort with poorly concealed amusement.

Taiyi threw him a dirty look. “Do something, ya lil’ brat! There’s no time for giggles!”

His master’s voice knocked Nezha back to his pensive state, reminding him of the pagoda before his eyes. 

An idea dropped onto his head as if on cue. If the shield was strong enough to repel a storm, he wanted to know what else it could stand against.

The god wasn’t going to like it.

Nezha eyed him, a smirk pulling at his mouth like an insatiable itch. Worst comes to worst, he would just have to pull the old man back to shore. 

Rolling his shoulders, Nezha crouched to the ground. “Do me a favor and keep the shield up for a bit while I move. Don’t drop the spell no matter what.” 

Taiyi’s perturbed state didn’t shake him of his resolve.

“Wait! What are you doing?!” the deity shrieked. But he didn’t get the chance to spew out another word before a flash of red dashed across his vision.

Nezha crashed into the barrier, pushing the gold ball forward. The globe around them rolled with his movements, morphing into a sphere. 

_ Faster... _

_ Faster. _

_ Faster…! _

_ Faster! _

The youth couldn’t hold back his grin. It was better than getting a boat, the force shield had everything covered.

Now he just had to see if it could stand the waves. 

A cry from his side had him turning to his companion. Taiyi’s forehead had sprouted a freshly formed lump, thanks to Nezha flinging him across the ball. 

Wails erupted from the poor man as he shut his eyes against the pain. 

“You lil shit! I swear your father will know about this!” Taiyi rolled to his side, one hand clutching the swollen flesh, and the other somehow still holding the barrier up.

A slight twinge of begrudging contrite danced across Nezha’s features. But it disappeared the moment it touched his face. 

The mental image of a flabby god being bounced around in his own force shield almost had Nezha choking on his spit. 

“Then keep us alive, old man!” 

Hooting, the young man picked up speed, fully crushing his weight against the sphere. He ignored Taiyi’s screams, smile widening as the distance to the sea closed by the second.

Five, four, three, two, one. The globe rolled off the cliff, descending at a terrifying rate. Nezha felt his stomach lurch towards his chest at the pull of gravity. Their surroundings blurred, and the sound of splashing waves welcomed the duo with a bang.

He half-expected them to fall straight into the water. Nezha subconsciously shut his eyes for the impact. 

But when the only thing that greeted him was the echo of turning ripples, his heart-rate pounded with relief. 

The protection shield didn’t waver, blocking the incoming waves from burying them underneath. Under better circumstances, Nezha would’ve been tooting his own horn by now, riding on cloud nine at his achievements.

It appeared he’d have to wait. He’d get all of Taiyi’s attention later for sure.

Stepping one foot over the other, Nezha started with a walk. Then it turned into a jog. And before Taiyi could open his mouth to complain again, the young man was sprinting as if his life depended on it.

The deity tumbled from top to bottom, rolling in the same circular motion as the barrier around them. 

Nezha blinked. 

He was running in a ball akin to one of those idiotic hamsters with their hay-wheels. It wasn’t heroic at all. 

With Taiyi bouncing off the walls to the side like an out of control shuttlecock, Nezha could feel his spirits falling flat on their face.

This was  _ not _ his proudest moment.

He was lucky the base of the island was nearer than he’d expected.

It was these moments when Nezha was glad he had inhuman feats. His ears heated at the thought of someone seeing him in that state, acting like a pet no less.

Taiyi’s spell disappeared into thin air the moment their feet touched land, dropping them both onto the muddy ground in an unceremonious fashion.

The god groaned, his face taking on a shade of green while his eyes bugged out. He didn’t make it in time to even understand what was happening until he was barfing his breakfast. 

Hacking, Taiyi sent Nezha a pitiful pout, before proceeding to chug two gulps of alcohol.

“Don’t stare at me like that,” Nezha retorted. “You think that made me look good?”

“You did that on purpose,” Taiyi grumbled. Rolling his eyes, he rolled to a sitting position, nevertheless looking at Nezha like he had killed his mother.

Nezha scowled. “You’re just happy we didn’t swim all the way here.”

Taiyi didn’t relent, his glare didn’t budge an inch. Nezha thought he saw a glimmer of tears coating the deity’s eyes.

Sighing, Nezha mumbled incoherent curses under his breath, cracking a few bones in his back. Now he had a man-child to take care of.

“Fine. I owe you one. Happy now?”

Taiyi sputtered. “You owe me  _ one _ ?! More like a lifetime for all the shit ya put me through! You can add three hundred spankings onto the list while you’re at it!”

The god flung his duster at him, this time with magnified force. Had Nezha not seen it coming he would’ve been knocked off his legs. 

The youth spew a spark of flames in return, not content with the power imbalance. 

Taiyi gawked. “You’re not supposed to hit back! I’m the master here!”

Nezha snorted, whipping around to face the looming buildings behind them. “Alright, alright. Stay here and brood while I go get the woman.”

“Why you-” The deity’s next line of complaints were cut short by a thunderous boom. A ground-shaking clap sounded from all directions, yanking the duo from their petty argument.

Flashes of lightning illuminated the darkness, their unnaturally bright blue lights adding to the frigid weather surrounding the palace.

The grand double-doors of the gates were wide open. Under the flare of flashing brilliance, Nezha could make out the bold sign that hung from the very top.

It had to have been at least a century old. The paint was chipped beyond recognition, leaving the bare splinters of wood out in the open. A rotting stench from molded timber emanated from the gates.

Nezha scrunched his nose, gingerly pushing at one of the doors. The barricades had long rotted into deformation; it would’ve been useless to keep anything out or in.

Not that it mattered. It wasn’t like your average person was going to make the effort to cross a typhoon just to rob a ghost town. 

The fog’s moisture clung onto Nezha’s skin like leeches wetting the skin of their prey. A musky scent mixed with saltwater churned his guts.

For a moment he wondered how the fuck anyone could live here for one day, much less for years. The East Sea manor reeked of death; not even crows bothered to occupy the space. 

Nezha tried to ignore the goosebumps crawling up his arms. He wasn’t cold, per se. But the biting chill had gone far deeper than the skin, smoldering into his bones.

Something wasn't right. Despite the weather being far from warm, with a storm raging just outside, the air was silent.

No wind, no breeze, no nothing. A heavy awareness dawned on Nezha; the howling screams against his ears had long stopped, replaced with an eerie calm that didn’t feel so pleasant.

He wasn’t the only one with that opinion. Taiyi also seemed to share the same sentiment. 

“Uh, maybe we should get going,” the deity whispered. He tugged Nezha’s vest, inching closer towards his student. The god’s fingers fumbled amongst themselves with nervous fashion, failing to conceal Taiyi’s fright.

Nezha frowned. “Yeah. Keep up.”

Shoving his hands back into his pockets, he strolled into the manor. The languid steps may have appeared to be casual. But under the visage of nonchalance, Nezha strained his ears for any signs of movement. 

Bodies of soldiers lay strewn across the main courtyard. Most of them long stripped of flesh, leaving bones in their wake. Must’ve been the doings of the dragon.

Taiyi swallowed thickly. “Be careful! They say there are demons here, boy. ”

“Like that would be a problem,” Nezha replied. “You’ve seen my work. Normal demons don’t stand a chance even without my spear.”

The echoes from their conversation traveled along the corridors, disappearing into the murky darkness. Nezha swore he could hear his voice whisper back, taunting him with its omnipresence.

He wasn’t sure if it was the fog or his own loud thoughts running through his head, but his senses felt the distinct crush of pressure. His vision had the slightest hint of blurriness, and his ears had to work much harder than usual to pick up micro noises.

Nezha hoped the air wasn’t poisoned. But his mind snapped back to the present when a bigger problem emerged.

They didn’t have a map.

There were no directions pointing away for them, and he found himself scratching his head at the many halls down the lane.

_ How the fuck am I supposed to find the right path?! _

Nezha growled at the realization. He wasn’t about to waste his precious time and try every door and passage. 

A hint of light shone behind the mist, at the highest level of the whole estate. The flickering sign caught Nezha’s attention, and his head snapped up to meet the source of curiosity. He was eternally grateful for listening to his gut.

It was the highest room in the tallest tower. Just like how it was in the story.

Unlike many other pagodas, this one had no windows save for the only room at the top. The chamber was lit up not too bright, but enough for outsiders to know that it was occupied. 

In contrast with the suffocating clouds looming over it, the window shined like a beacon of hope in this desolate grave. It glimmered under the parting mist, almost beckoning him to reach out his hands.

Nezha wanted to tear his gaze away, but the unknown force had him frozen in place. Everything felt so wrong, the light at the window was no different. 

He would believe it if someone said it was a hypnotizing spell; the array of illumination called for him. It practically begged for him to come.

Inhaling, Nezha turned to find Taiyi. He figured they could just take the shortcut and use qing-gong, instead. A sense of urgency possessed him.

This place was cursed, and he didn’t plan on staying any longer.

A hand knocked into his arms, making him jump back a solid foot. 

Eyes narrowing, Nezha held the fire in his hands, ready to pounce. When his vision cleared, revealing a gaping Taiyi under the fog, the urge to slap his head in frustration was evident.

Nezha’s mouth formed a retort and was moments away from speaking his mind when the look of his master’s face had him screeching to a stop.

“Boy,” Taiyi’s voice rang out in a quivering whisper. “I think we got trouble.”

It would’ve been better if the god didn’t start shaking like he was seconds away from passing out. That sight wasn’t a good cheerleader. 

Heart pounding, Nezha whipped his gaze to the same spot Taiyi’s eyes were glued to. 

The mist dispersed, spreading apart like the splitting waves of the sea. An unseen force had blown it away, creating a gust of breeze on the silent island. 

A sigh from the winds brushed past Nezha’s arms, leaving a hollow chill seeping into his skin. His head rose, following the increased volume of ragged breaths from above. Screams echoed in his head, imploring him to move.

Nezha’s brain popped its last screws before coming to an abrupt stop. His breath hitched, though he’d  _ never _ admit it.

Peering down at them, flashing its rows of iridescent sharp fangs, was a dragon. From the guttural growls of the beast, Nezha was sure it was hungry.

And they were the midnight snack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely readers! I am so grateful for all who have read and followed this story so far! It's my utmost pleasure to bring more English content to our flame boi Nezha!


	4. Unexpected

A pile of books clustered around the foot of the bed, burying the floors. It left only a thin line of walking space to the door, enough to not let anyone trip if they happened to stumble in.

Like that would ever happen.

Yeah. Never. 

The palace would be lucky to even have birds chirp in the mornings.

Hong-Yi lay sprawled on the grand bed, fingers plucking away at one sunflower out of the many dozens by the window-sill. 

She shouldn’t have asked for flowers. A small voice in her head scolded her to be grateful. And in hindsight, she should. 

The white dragon encircling her tower had been one of the more reasonable ones; most of her requests were followed through, despite it not uttering a sound back to her. Hong-Yi thought at least it was better than ignoring her.

Glancing at the rest of the bouquet by the window, she sighed. 

At first it was to remind her of the sunny days that were few and far between out in the East Sea. But the moment she laid eyes on the array of bright yellow petals, her heart felt the stab of regret plunging into its depths.

It was better if she didn’t think back on the days when the warm embrace from the sun welcomed her at dawn. It was better if she didn’t get a chance to miss it.

So she put them to other use. She did read somewhere that this method would bring her good luck if she landed on the right phrase.

“...I will find true love. I won’t find true love. I will find true love. I won’t find true love. I will find true love. I wo- ...”

Her hand hovered over the last petal. Brows pinching together in a tight line, Hong-Yi let out an exasperated sigh. 

True love wasn’t coming any time soon. Onto the next flower. 

A collection of plant stalks soon joined the heap of books on the ground, further adding to her frustrations.

Time was irrelevant at the tower; all she had to know was when to eat, sleep, and wash. All else was inconsequential. She figured she could waste the rest of today for once, as mindless repetition was just as addicting.

The moon shone brighter compared to other nights in recent days. Maybe she could stare at  _ that _ for the next hour. The notion failed to tug at her heartstrings, it was a pity she was more into the sun. 

An unexpected flash of red had Hong-Yi jerking from her thoughts. She yelped and threw a pillow towards the door, missing the mark by a long stretch. A squeak erupted from the side of the bed, blowing out her vigilance in one breath.

Tiny claws grabbed at the covers, and a whiskered face poked out from under the bed.

Mushu was not amused.

“Now that’s  _ no _ way to greet your elder!” the red dragon lectured. His nails clattered in an agitated rhythm against the wooden headboard. 

Hong-Yi fel her cheeks burst into flames. There was zero reason for her to be on alert for intruders, the dragon had made sure of that. 

She could count on one hand how many times she prepared herself on the bed to be kissed only to hear her rescuers being tossed out the palace. Hong-Yi frowned. ‘Rescuers’ was a kind word, maybe ‘face-hogging-wannabes’ was a more ideal adjective for them.

At this rate she should just sell her soul to the dragon lord early and be done with this shit. She wouldn’t even need to wait until her birthday; it was a waste of everyone’s time.

_ At least I’d be able to step foot outside the palace for once. _

Hong-Yi wanted to slap herself upside the head; there was still a good few weeks before her final day. It wasn’t like she had no chance to have prince charming barging in and sweeping her off her feet...she hoped.

Fortunately for her, she didn’t have to retreat back into her head. Mushu was all over her face, dragging her attention back to his snout.

“Hel-loo?!” Mushu repeated. “Anyone home?!”

Hong-Yi ruffled his furry head, not bothering to respond to the query.

“Sorry, I got caught up with stuff.” She wasn’t about to spill her whole monologue to the already chatty creature. 

Mushu huffed, sashaying to the foot of her bed. Flicking a whisker, he tsked at the state of the room. The glint in his eyes glowed with mild curiosity.

“Ya really need to fix this mess before anyone sees this,” the dragon said. “A princess does  _ not _ pile her cave with books.”

Hong-Yi snorted. “Forget about it. You’re the only who’s ever going to come in here. The last flower said I won’t be getting a kiss anytime soon.”

Eyeing the doggy-eared parchments on the ground, Mushu blew out a puff of smoke. 

“Girl, you might as well build a house inside that head of yours! I swear you talk more to yourself than with anyone else.”

The dragon gathered an armful of papers and straightened them out on their respective shelves.

“I did have evening tea with Mr. Handsome over there a few hours ago,” Hong-Yi replied. She pointed towards a reclining wooden figurine at the corner of the room. “He said wheat tea wasn’t his thing and excused himself.”

The princess arched a brow at her companion, feigning disappointment. Mr. Handsome wasn’t that handsome anyway.

Mushu skittered across the floor, paying little attention to the mindless babble from the woman. 

“Huh, even your imaginary man is scared of you.” Sarcasm dripped from him as he decluttered her knitting station. 

“Yeah,” Hong-Yi agreed. “I think I spoke out of turn. He wasn’t too happy with me talking about my writing.”

It was a surprise she even gave the man a personality. Hong-Yi wondered what could’ve happened if he was just a tad bit more lenient. She didn’t mean to harm him.

A loud rustle from the side had her turning back to the bustling dragon across the room. Mushu was rummaging through her (failed) embroideries, without judgement in his eyes.

He muttered to himself. “Don’t worry, I’m sure a pretty lady like you would score a hot hunk soon enough.”

“Soon enough?” Hong-Yi’s ears perked up at the spark of hope. “How soon?!”

Mushu was up on her shoulder in seconds, pulling her tangled hair in his claws. Still mumbling about the mess of the room, his fingers set off to pull the mane into an updo. 

At first it was difficult to even get a bun from her hair. But over a decade of experience certainly helped Mushu perfect his aptitude in multitasking. Anyone could come barging in at any time, it was crucial for Hong-Yi to look the part twenty-four-seven.

Mushu was surprised he hadn’t developed arthritis yet.

Maybe it was just a human thing.

“It’s a good thing the stupid gossip traveled that far,” the dragon bumbled. “You’d think people wouldn’t believe a stupid legend about us. But here we are, going through one smelly man after another.”

Hong-Yi didn’t look up in the mirror; the bronze reflection was never her favorite tool of reflection. She always trusted Mushu in making her presentable. 

“Yeah, and they never go more than a few yards before they get their ass-”

“Language!” Mushu threw her a dirty look. “What do I always tell you? A princess-”

“Never uses bad language,” Hong-Yi finished a sheepish smile. “Sorry.”

The dragon groaned. “Jesus, you grow up so fast!” 

His complaint didn’t falter her, and she grinned at him through the mirror. “I learned from the best.”

Her retort had the dragon choking, his tail flinging wildly from side to side. If she hadn’t known better, Hong-Yi would think Mushu’s already red face had turned magenta.

“Don’t you sass _ me _ !” Mushu warned. “I’m a good few thousand years older than you! Have some respect for this poor ol’ dragon here!”

Hong-Yi sniggered. Under the fiery pesona Mushu seemed to lug around wherever he went, she could spot the bashful smile threatening to break out. Mushu was good with a lot of things, but hiding emotions wasn’t one of them.

He was the cutest.

She smoothed a hand down his ears, giving them a good scruff. “You’ll always have my unwavering admiration, you big noodle.”

Mushu’s grumble at the nickname only made her laugh harder. The memory of her five-year-old self mistaking his tail as a part of her lo mein meal came back with twice the force. 

There were many good times in the pagoda if she cared to admit. And Hong-Yi sometimes wondered if any of that would stay the same when she managed to get out. Wait scratch that. _ If. _

“Didn’t think you learned sweet talk, too,” Mushu remarked. His work on her hair was almost done, so his attention skewed back to her.

Hong-Yi smiled. “Like I said, saw you fluffing the dragon outside a few times too many. I’m a fast learner.”

Mushu’s cheeks were on the edge of going purple. 

“And who do ya think I was doing that for?” he retorted. “Get on his good side and whatnot. Maybe he’ll bring us more stuff. He just never talks back!”

The dragon mumbled a string of colorful words. It was as if the white dragon’s silence was a lethal weapon against his pride. 

“Never have I ever come across such arrogant youngling! Side eyes me every time I acknowledge him! ” Mushu ranted. 

Sensing another turbulent outcry of unfairness from the creature, Hong-Yi sighed. She rubbed his tiny shoulders, trying to rescue Mushu from the focal point of his own rampage. As much as the dragon was an adorable mess, you wouldn’t want to hear him complain for hours on end.

That would take a special amount of patience. And Hong-Yi’s drooping eyes would close business before Mushu could get past thirty percent of his grievances. 

“At least he got me the flowers and treats I wanted,” she offered. “The ones before would only do the bare minimum.”

The attempt to sway her little dragon friend blew up in her face. Mushu took on a scowl and was skittering all over the place in seconds. Scouring every nick and corner, he made an extra emphasis on the size of the room. 

“Girl, wouldn’t you like to know the bare minimum of life. I bet they’d be so happy to live in a claustrophobic-inducing hellhole of a tarnished building that no one in a million years would ever consider looking at a second time!”

Mushu’s word scramble sent Hong-Yi’s brain tumbling into the whirlwind with it. She’d laugh for a second round if she wasn’t exhausted. 

Sleep was another one of her hobbies recently. Funny how one could get tired from boredom alone. The things you’d never know until you experienced it firsthand. 

Hong-Yi felt her eyes roll to the back of her head in humorous annoyance. “Did we switch souls? I thought I was the one who needed a shoulder to cry on five minutes ago.”

It was fascinating. The rate at which they could go from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other was mind-boggling. 

If she knew any better, Hong-Yi would chuck it up to the sheer reality of having nothing to do. There were moments when she was legitimately afraid that whoever may come through the door would spot a crazed madwoman going on about ‘true love’s kiss’ instead of a proper woman. 

She begged the gods to not let her fears come to fruition. 

Religion was never a strong passion of hers, but Hong-Yi was adamant in praying to anything that could hear her. It wasn’t much, however it laid some sense of serenity in her.

May they let her be free of this wretched existence. May they let a galiant warrior with gold-polished armour riding on his just as marvelous stallion into her life. May they let her find-

_ Screeeeeeeeeeeeech! _

An ear-splitting cry of deafening nature exploded into her ears.

It traveled through the veins of her body, blowing past all her organs with a thunderous roar. Her brain pounded its violent response against her skull, dulling her hearing to a static ring that lingered far longer than she expected it to. 

The bookshelf rattled like a stack of cards on the verge of crumbling to oblivion. And her vanity followed suit, shaking free all her jewelry and makeup onto the ground like it wanted to grow two legs and run out without burden. 

Hong-Yi blinked once, then twice, before she snapped her neck in a painful angle towards the source of the blood-curdling scream. 

A dragon’s roar was hard to come by. One could even say it was rare; the aftershock of such vibrations was a weapon in itself. Legends have it that the full potential of the sound could incite the greatest tsunamis. 

It didn’t take Hong-Yi long to realize what was happening. 

The white dragon was in deep peril. 

Her muscles failed to execute her commands to move; she remained still against the anticipation of the next outcry of atrocity. 

Mushu beat her to the window first, jutting his head out with strained limbs to catch a glimpse of the chaos. His claws steadied him against the smooth frames. Had it not been for their sharpness, he would’ve slid off the tower. 

Hong-Yi wanted to tell him to calm down, she didn’t wish to fish him out from the sea below. 

The dragon’s eyes narrowed, blinked, froze, then bulged into the size of saucers before shooting from his post back to the woman on the bed.

Said person barely had the time to formulate words when she found herself being jerked away by her small friend.

“There’s a  _ man _ !” Mushu panicked, throwing his head left and right as if that would shake him of his stupor. “There’s a  _ man _ down there! Holy bejesus! He’s fighting the dragon! The dragon you hear?!”

The princess didn’t need him rambling more to understand the dire situation. 

She was an utter mess. No makeup, no jewelry, her hair was partially done, and the room. 

_ Oh fuck. Don’t even start with that. _

In a flash, the vase of tattered flowers was tossed out the window. 

Covers were thrown into the air as the duo scrambled to shove the rest of the books to the corner. They refused to go into the closet, so Hong-Yi had tried to pile them up beneath her bed before realizing there was no space.

Thank god for extra duvets. She grabbed them without a second thought, tossing them over the paper mess. Hong-Yi could only hope that no one would notice the giant bulge of fabric by the bed. 

_ Now _ what else? 

A glimpse from the shattered mirror had her backpedaling to horrorland. As if one of her wasn’t enough, the many Barefaced and unprepped, she couldn’t go out like this! The single strand of unkempt hair in the back made her itch with pure agony.

“What do I do?! What do I  _ do _ ?!”

She stood in the middle of the room, hands holding out like she was desperate to receive an answer from thin air. 

Mushu facepalmed. “Get the moisturizer but don’t do the routine! We don’t have time! And slap some lipstick on! Make sure it’s the glossy ones! And forget about the hair, it's hopeless!”

It felt like eons before Hong-Yi could look at herself without breaking down in tears. She wanted to fix her brows, but that attempt was terminated the moment she reached for her brush.

“Don’t even think about it!” A snap from Mushu sent her recoiling. The dragon herded her to the bed, wasting no time in waving a scented incense in the air.

“This should do it,” Mushu muttered. “Quick! Lie down and sleep!”

Hong-Yi wanted to scream. “But I can’t! It won’t come to me!”

The dragon tore at his whiskers. Truth be told, she wanted to do the same thing had it not been for her precious hair.

“Just pretend! Close your eyes and breathe in and out! In and out! In and out! Perfect!”

Skirting up the sheets after her, Mushu dug himself into her pockets. Coiling into a ball, the dragon became still.

The rise and fall of his body comforted her. It was the small reminder that she wasn’t facing the dreadful silence alone.

Hong-Yi’s lips quivered; a strange pit in her belly that tugged at her stomach. The nauseating pull of anticipation rose to her chest, dragging her breaths into an uneven shake.

Her hands felt clammy against the breeze of the night. And despite the cool air encircling them, her cheeks burned with excitement.

It had been too soon to hope. But the thoughts in her head ran amok with wild fervor. 

They couldn’t help but fantasize about the man. Her savior. 

She wanted to know if he was tall like they said in the books. If he was dashing. Or brave. Or majestic. Or kind. Anything. Anything that could keep her mind running for the rest of time.

It would obliterate her spirits into nonexistent powder if he wasn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone! Thank you all for reading up to this point (I know I can be a bit of a drag!) But here he is! That's Mushu for ya! Since I couldn't get my annual dose of this fire lizard's crack from Mulan 2020, I might as well make my own ;)

**Author's Note:**

> *Inserts Allstar by Smashmouth XD


End file.
